I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
