We won't sleep together?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
