You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
