So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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