as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
