I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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