She's JV to your varsity
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Blood and glitter go together right?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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