once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
