do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Still dying that you shit outside
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
