I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
