ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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