Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
