Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
vagina is talking i cant
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
