so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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