the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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