They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
