How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
