Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
