Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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