based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
