Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
