When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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