i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
