Your tits are I can't wait for
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
