my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
