When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
