i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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