I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
