i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
