i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
