they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
