I wish I could punch you in the face.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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