A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
