if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
