the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
