its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
