it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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