i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
