like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
