ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
