Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
