I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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