Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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