I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
