Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
its not stalking. its research.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
