dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is Oprah even human
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