I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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