I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
