9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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