I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
