I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
