my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
