I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
