I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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