I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
