The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
