I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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