Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
