I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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