He uses pillows to masturbate.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
