he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
