Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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