You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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