At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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