I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
