Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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