I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
