I bet he comes in French.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
