I want to have your abortion
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she smelled like a LAN party
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
