Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
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I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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