i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
